3 Signs Someone Isn't a Narcissist, Even If They Seem Like One
With the way therapy terms are bandied about on the internet these days, everyone knows the signs of a narcissist (or at least they think they do). But what about the signs someone isn't a narcissist? A therapist on TikTok recently dug into this, sharing the signs he looks for when evaluating clients that tend to indicate they don't actually suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, despite having tendencies we often think of as narcissistic. It's a handy bit of knowledge to have in this day and age when everyone seems to be constantly accusing everyone of having a disorder that therapists themselves say is actually quite rare.
3 signs someone probably isn't a narcissist, even if they seem like one:
- Relationship patterns
One of the big clues is a pattern of relatively stable relationships. Narcissists? Not so much. "People with NPD usually leave behind a trail of fractured relationships, partners, friends, even family members," Meltzer said. He went on to explain, "So when I see someone who maintains mostly stable connections where disagreements happen but where healthy repairs also happen, that's often a strong sign against NPD."
- How they view others
If the person sees others as fundamentally equal, even if they don't like them, they're probably not a narcissist. Why? Narcissists "tend to see others through a hierarchy of worth," Meltzer explained. "They view some people as better and others as beneath them, not because of one skill, but based on status or usefulness." By contrast, when a person sees others as having "different strengths and weaknesses but the same intrinsic value, that's another sign that narcissism is probably not present."
- How they treat animals
Meltzer said this is one of the biggest clues to narcissism, and it goes beyond pets like cats and dogs. Attitudes and treatment toward "small, vulnerable animals like frogs, rabbits, or birds" can be especially revealing. Showing compassion and affection toward animals is a quality "rarely seen in someone with true NPD," Meltzer said. The caveat, he added, is that this is easy to perform, so there has to be a track record of consistent behavior towards animals.
The truth of the matter is, despite how our online discourse would make it seem, someone being an arrogant jerk doesn't make them a narcissist. It just makes them an arrogant jerk! Narcissistic personality disorder is an actual condition, and a dangerous one. Sticking with the clinical definition helps keep us from watering down the term so much that it stops really meaning anything, which only makes it easier to sweep actual cases under the rug.
